My little old laptop has sat unused in my closet ever since London, when it just stopped powering on one day, until two weeks ago when I decided to take it in to the computer hospital to get fixed up. I left it there in the trusting hands of the computer tech, my eyes wide, feeling hopeful that I would one day again have a computer of my very own. I've been counting down the days, doing finger exercises, getting myself ready for all of the blogging, music downloading, picture organizing that lay ahead. I called on Friday and they said that it was almost ready, call back again tomorrow. So yesterday, I called again and spoke to my dear friend at Data Doctors, who asked me if I was sitting down, he had some bad news. My laptop was beyond repair. He said that he tried everything, there was nothing he could do.
He walked me through everything that he had worked on, and I have to give him credit, he was amazingly thoughtful and sympathetic, given the fact that we were discussing a piece of machinery. And then it happened, I actually started crying, right there on the phone with computer repair-man. I know it's totally ridiculous. I think though, there were larger emotions at play, and they seemed to manifest themselves towards my laptop at that moment. I've been working through some hard stuff lately, and somehow I thought this was going to be a step in the right direction for me, a step towards pulling some loose ends in my life together. I just feel like I keep hitting road blocks, and they all seem to be expensive road blocks, considering I just spent $200 to basically recycle my laptop. I'm not sure who was more upset though, me or Ross, when he realized that this meant that I would still have to borrow his now and then (he's not one for sharing...)
I started reading "The Geography of Bliss" last week. I guess you could call it a mix between a travel commentary and a discussion on the age-old question of happiness, and why some people seem to be happier than others. It's a great book so far, and if nothing else it is giving me a lot of food for thought.

A couple weeks ago I had the pleasure of attending a Thursday night gathering with 4 independent entrepreneurial women in the Boulder area. My friend Michelle had just put in her notice at Commarts and has struck out on her own as a freelance architect. Turning an ear to the constant comments she receives about the state of the economy and the overload of freelance architects in Boulder, she is trusting her instincts and following her dream. In our company that evening were three women who I felt somewhat in awe to be sharing a bottle of wine with. A Washington DC economist, a Denver developer, and a woman who has had too many impressive careers to be identified by any of them (it took her 4 hands to count the many hats she's worn during her working career, though they included job titles such as "politician and head of the board for this and that for the New York City Governor", "astrologist", "mother", "outward-bound leader" and most recently "highly sought-after business analyst and public speaker" for large and small companies nation-wide). Having just turned 67, she was a wealth of information and life-knowledge. I joked with Michelle on our way home that night that next time we see we're going to bring a little tape-recorder with us because everything she said was something I wanted to write down and remember. The most memorable concept for me that came up that evening was the idea of renewing and re-creating ourselves throughout our lives. "The universe abhors a vacuum," she said. Once we open ourselves up to the possibilities of other ways to live, other jobs, other relationships, it's amazing what we will encounter. She compared it to the trim-tab on a boat. The trim-tab is so small in comparison to the size of the boat, yet the tiniest adjustment to the trim tab and the direction of the entire boat changes. Such as it is in life also. As women, we are meant to create, to give life. Maybe that's why we get so enthralled in creative activities, in learning new skills. We (hopefully) are always re-creating ourselves as well. I think about my grandmothers in this aspect, one who returned to playing violin and joined an orchestra in her seventies. The other who is 83 and is the head of the historical society in her town. Even my mom, who has taken leadership positions in her church in the past few years. It makes me excited to think about all the things that I can, and might, do. To be aware of the ways in which I am evolving. How I may pack up one part of my life and start something new. Or how I may stay put, and build.
What a treat it was to meet these women and be a part of Michelle's life as she undergoes this transformation, this change of direction.

Morning View

I woke up to this lovely rainbow this morning... I think it'll be a good day